Sanctifying Self-Pity

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself.

And I hate that. (Did I say, "I hate that?" I hate that.)

I have so much to be grateful for, I have NO excuse to wallow in self-pity.

But lately, I've realized something.

If I just let it be what it is and "sit" with it, instead of trying so hard to change it it's so much easier to deal with!

Now, I'm not talking about wallowing in it, but just sitting with it, experiencing it in the moment, instead of railing against it.

Because fighting it just seems to prolong it. Because fighting it makes me grumpy and not nice to people I love and that is so not fair to them. They don't know the battle that's going on in my head. When I kick and scream against it, it's so hard to shake it and it poisons everything.

I definitely believe in "taking every thought captive", but how do you do that? By kicking and screaming against it? Nope. The verse before that says that the weapons we use are not fleshly weapons, but spiritual. It is His divine power.

When I just acknowledge to my Father God: "I really feel like I suck right now. It feels like life sucks right now. I just can't shake this on my own. Help me! I cast this 'care' on You." He says, "It's okay. I know. I see you and I know where you are right now. Everything is going to be okay." 

Really. That's what He said -- not "How dare you be ungrateful for everything I've given you!!!"

I may not "feel" better at that moment, but I have peace. I know it will pass. It always does. I can be patient with myself and that keeps me from being mean and grumpy.

For me, this is a very tangible example of "love others as well as you love yourself." If I'm patient and loving with myself than I can be patient and loving with everyone else.

And if I'm really mindful and honest about it, my "self-pity mode" is usually hormonal--that's a reason, not an excuse. The feeling itself isn't ungodly or sinful, it's what I do with it that makes it unholy.

God is so good and gives so much grace! His mercies are new every morning. I think, knowing this, I might even be able to acknowledge -- outloud -- to another human being, that I'm feeling that way without being worried about what they will think. Acknowledging the pain instead of acting out of it. Hmm...brings to mind a post by Donald Miller I read today: "Vulnerability as a key to emotional health."

I just want to be real. Authentic. Relevant. And I can't do that if I pretend that everything is always wonderful all the time. That kind of mask is a counterfeit Christianity that inoculates people to the true Gospel message.

This song, Rise by Shawn McDonald happened to come on the radio the other day while I was pondering these things. It's one of my favorites. (The link is a "live" acoustic version, those are usually the best!)

Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true

Yes I will rise