Our Story: BEFORE

For most of my life, I've been living in the wilderness of  "just barely enough."

I have so, so much to be thankful for and I know we have so much more than some. But I also know this isn't how our Father God wants us to live — barely getting by, always behind.

But we have so much to be thankful for. I see the things other people are going through and I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world. But are we experiencing the abundant life Jesus' sacrifice provided?

I want to have all of our needs met, abundantly supplied, so that we can give into every good work. We are givers and its painful when we see a need and we can't give.

This Christmas is supposed to be — is going to be — Lord, I believe, help my unbelief — different! Abundant! In every way.

We've found peace and joy in little to nothing, can we still have peace and joy in plenteous abundance?

The last two years have been especially pressured. Transition. In the midst, God has miraculously come through over and over. But its time to walk into the spacious place — to live in God's abundant provision. Twenty years ago, Dick Mills prophesied Psalm 66:12 to us:

You let men ride over our heads;
    we went through fire and through water;
yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

This is our BEFORE...the AFTER is coming, I know it. So I'm sharing the before while it's now, authentic, and true.

We've had beautiful, sweet glimpses and I'm so grateful.

After the pause, after the quiet pondering, "Have I said too much? Have I said too little? Do I sound ungrateful, grumbling and complaining?" After He speaks, "Peace. Be Still," I'm not looking for answers, I'm just looking for Him. I've seen His star in the East and I've come to worship Him.

Not a Reason to Homeschool: Don't Let Fear Be Your Motivator

I began my homeschooling journey when a dear family friend introduced us to Sonlight Curriculum.  As I read the catalog from cover-to-cover, one of my favorite articles was entitled "27 Reasons Not to Buy Sonlight." I appreciated their candor, and honestly, almost every one of their reasons not to buy made me want to buy it even more! However, in light of the tragedy in Connecticut, I want to highlight something I believe is not a reason to choose homeschooling.

Fear.

I do believe that fear is a God-given mechanism of protection, don't get me wrong. But I'm talking about the kind of fear that becomes bondage, that holds you in its grip until you're afraid to leave your home, afraid to let your children leave home.

Homeschooling should not be a knee-jerk reaction to violence in schools. It should be a deliberate, prayerful choice.

I firmly believe some families are called to be a light in the public schools, some are called to give and receive light in private schools, and some are called to homeschool, growing deeper in their knowledge of the light and shining it in different ways than the traditionally schooled. (And, sometimes the calling can be different per child in the same family!)

I am so grateful I was able to homeschool my kids.* Did I do it perfectly?

No.

Did I sometimes feel like a complete failure who was doing my kids a grave disservice?

Absolutely.

Did I love every moment of every day with "math meltdown" and what seemed like a total lack of motivation?

Not so much.

But.

Did I celebrate the disappearance of "monster mom" who lost it almost daily trying to get kids out of the door to school on time?

Yes!

Did I cherish every moment snuggled on the couch reading, every obvious learning moment, and every moment spent discussing life and love?

Absolutely!

(Did I cry so much at the end of every novel of historical fiction I read aloud to the point that I could barely finish the book?

Yep. Ask my kids, they still give me a hard time about it occasionally!)

Am I grateful for all the unhurried, stressful, goofy, grumpy, joyful, sad, delightful, frustrating moments of our homeschooling days?

So very grateful.

Now that they're grown, I can look back so glad that I persevered. I couldn't have done it without the strength, grace, and wisdom of my Heavenly Father, not just because it was crazy and frustrating at times, but mostly because of my own doubts.

Wherever God has called you and your kids to be, rest in Him. Rest in His strength, grace, and wisdom to see you through it all — the great days and the not-so-great days.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."

Luke 12:6-7 ESV 

You who sit down in the High God’s presence,
    spend the night in Shaddai’s shadow,
Say this: “God, you’re my refuge.
    I trust in you and I’m safe!”

Psalm 91:1 The Message 

 

*Full disclosure (in case someone who doesn't know me personally reads this): My oldest son had a wonderful experience in public school for first grade, then all three of my kids attended a private Christian school until the year we decided to start homeschooling (3rd, 4th, and 7th grade).