Contentment and Finally "Getting It"

It's so cool how God illuminates bits and pieces of different things to me and then -- BAM! -- one day it all just comes into focus and the sky splits open. I can see again. One aspect of my blindness is gone. Bit by bit my Father lets a little more light into that space in my heart, then suddenly, I can see it all.

This morning I was reading Women Food and God by Geneen Roth. The gist of it is that our struggles with food and weight are all related to our desire for something more, but we can't tolerate sitting with that desire so for various reasons we try to squelch it with food. I highlighted this quote by John Tarrant,

"All wanting -- for love, to be seen for who we are, for a new red car is wanting to find and be taken into this mysterious depth in things."*

Then just after his quote, Geenen writes, "By collapsing the whole of our wanting into something as tangible as butterscotch pudding, we cancel poetry, sacredness, longing from our lives and resign ourselves to living with hearts banged shut."

The way she said that made me realize that since I was a teenager, I thought that being "content" meant that I didn't want anything. That I had no "right" to want anything. So anytime I felt a "want" (and don't get me started on the difference between things we "want" and things we "need"...argh...), I struggled with it. I suppressed it. But the sad thing is, those wants never really go away. And anything we try and satisfy outside of faith, outside of trusting God, is sin. (See Romans 14:23.)

So what finally clicked for me today is that being content doesn't mean we don't want something more, something better, something bigger, something brighter. It means that we are okay with the wanting itself. It's okay to want something, and it's also okay to not get it. Just let the wanting be what it is.

I have this tendency to tell myself "love doesn't demand its own way," as an excuse for not saying, or not asking for, what I want. Hmm...I think there must be a big difference between expressing a desire and demanding that things be done your way. And the bizarre flip side to all this, is I would NEVER place that expectation on someone else. I would never tell a friend, my spouse, or my kids that it's not okay to want certain things. God gives us the desires of our hearts. He actually plants those desires in us to get us moving in the right direction. 

So why am I so hard on myself? Is it because secretly, deep down, I think that while I'm capable of living that kind of austere (read: self-righteous) existence, other people aren't? Ick. Isn't that just beyond arrogant? But you know what? I'm going to give myself a little grace (like I would anyone else!).

"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." -- Ranier Maria Rilke

 

*(My best friend, Rae, is smiling right now, because she knows that if a quote has the word "mystery" in it, I'm sure to highlight it. I am all about embracing the mysterious side of God!)

It's All About Love...

As I pondered all day long, asking my Friend (the Paraklete), "What am I supposed to write about today?" He simply reminded me to just share what's on my heart and honestly, most of my thoughts today were about love.

Pure and simple. Love.

It's so amazing to me how God brings certain people in our lives and we feel an instant connection. Our hearts are forever knit together. I'll even go so far as to say we "fall in love" with them. Okay, so not like we fall in love with our spouses, or maybe not even exactly the same as the way we fall in love with our children. But pretty darn close to the latter.

My husband and I recently had the privilege of welcoming a new young man into our home and our lives and we just had that connection with him. And the funny thing is, it reminds me of the connection we had with another young man, many years ago when we were first married. Even though at the time, we were far too young to actually be his parents, we always considered him one of our kids. It feels as if we've come full circle.

For a few years, we had lost touch with him, but after years of my husband searching internet databases periodically to locate him, we finally found him again. And next month, to celebrate my husband's birthday, we're going to see him!

I just love how God does things.

And on another note, for what it's worth, two songs have been running around in my head all day: Mat Kearney's "Down" and Coldplay's "Fix You".

Enjoy the music. Thank our Loving Heavenly Father for those special people who just...fit. Those people who will always be in your heart regardless of time or distance.

Have you experienced this kind of "falling in love"? Am I crazy for looking at it that way?

Like Sands Through the Hourglass....

I have three adult children.

I have to pause and sigh deeply as I re-read that. The time has flown so quickly. I cannot believe they are grown. I began my parenting journey in 1988, with the birth of our oldest son. And in September of this year, 2011, our daughter, the youngest, turned 18. On her birthday, when it hit me that not one of my children would require my signature for anything anymore, I felt a weird sense of completion, accomplishment, and emptiness -- all at once.

Now. I realize that my parenting days aren't really over. Our two boys have both celebrated their Bar Barakah, so we view them as men, but that doesn't mean we no longer parent them, it's just that the dynamic of our relationship has changed. (It's like a Bar Mitzvah, but the Christian version means "Son of the Blessing," instead of "Son of the Law." I may write a blog post about the ceremony in the future.) Our daughter has not yet had her official ceremony ("Bat Barakah" for "Daughter of the Blessing"), but her transition from high school to college has already created quite a shift. Even though all three still live at home, we are a houseful of adults. It's different. It's fun!

I am so blessed by and so proud of our children. They are responsible adults who do their best to "love God and love people." And lest you think I believe I had much to do with that, let me say right now, I cannot imagine trying to rear children without the help of the Holy Spirit, my Savior, and our Loving Father God.

We made mistakes. Lots of them. In my opinion, probably more than lots of other parents. But thank God, He makes up the difference. To this day, I am continually grateful that God laid it on our hearts and provided the circumstances, the push, the resources, and the grace to homeschool our children. I wouldn't trade what I've gained through that experience for all the money, success, or fame in the world.

Our oldest son has a great job and the sweetest girlfriend, who we hope will become more than that someday. ;) And our younger son and our daughter are about to complete their first semester of school at Oral Roberts University. All three are some of my favorite people in the whole world, and some of my best friends.

I. Am. So. Blessed. God is so good. I am so grateful. (And looking forward to grandbabies eventually!)

Where are you in your parenting journey? It's so easy to feel like you're not doing enough sometimes. Remember that God will always make up the difference. Trust Him. He entrusted His children to you for a purpose.

Two Posts in One Day? Yep...Here We Go....

My post this morning, Throwing Caution to the Wind, did something in me. As soon as I hit "publish" and walked into kitchen, my Friend, my Comforter, my Encourager, the Holy Spirit said, "Okay. That's just the beginning."

"The beginning of what, exactly?"

He continued, "Starting today, you are going to write a blog post each day for a year, just like you did today. With that infernal, internal editor-girl turned off."

Okay, so as a person who reads something pretty much every single day about how to be a better writer (and yes, I know that the first rule is, "writers write" :)) this is a scary proposition. Every word has to count. Every word should be the "right" word. What if I'm misunderstood? What if I say something offensive without meaning to? What if I sound *gasp* irrelevant or arrogant or just plain stupid?

And again, my dear Friend reminds me, "It doesn't matter. It's not up to you. All you have to do is put your fingers on the keyboard and type out what's on your heart."

"And keep my hand over the editor's mouth, no matter how much she struggles to free herself?"

Very gently, He says, "Exactly."

So, here we go. Tomorrow is day 1 -- November 16, 2011.

I'm not waiting until January to start, I'm doing it now. Today.

(And in the interest of full disclosure, I do re-read and "edit" the post while I'm typing and right before I hit "publish." I'm just committing to doing it all in one sitting and leaving behind (at least for 365 days) that "process" that keeps me from publishing anything.)



So what could you start today, that you may be mentally putting of until January 1, 2012?

Throwing Caution to the Wind and Turning off the Editor...for today anyway...

Why is it so difficult? I so easily and readily take my own thoughts for granted that I end up doing nothing. Putting nothing out there. I'm like the "wicked, lazy servant" who thought the master was "a hard man"!Why? Why would I imagine for a second that my Loving Heavenly Father "reaps where he doesn't sow"?

(I love the way The Message says it, "It's criminal to live cautiously like that!" http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2025&version=MSG

Why would a loving Father give me this burning desire to put words on paper that will help those who read them know who He is (in a simple way) then leave me to twist in the wind? I am not responsible for the results, just the action, the decision, to put it out there.

Why does Resistance constantly get the best of me? (I need to re-read The War of Art !)

If all I ever accomplish is pleasing my Father God -- That. Is. Enough. That is all. That is everything.

So today, instead of my usual "process" of writing, putting it aside for a couple of days, editing and putting it aside for a couple of days, editing again, and then maybe hitting "publish," I've put my hand over the mouth of the editor who lives in my brain, and she is struggling and straining and trying to bite her way out, but for today, I'm holding her back.

What holds you back? What keeps you from investing your "talent"?

Relevant Questions and Answers and Great Words on Writing!

Review of: Max on Life: Answers and Insights to Your Most Important Questions by Max Lucado

            I'm naturally leery of any person who claims to have all the answers. And sometimes I steer clear of the “big Christian authors” simply because they're “big Christian authors” – I know, I'm repenting for being prejudiced and judgmental. But I also “pride” myself on being open-minded and open-hearted and hearing God's Truth from wherever and whomever it comes. That said I enjoyed this book more than I expected I would.

            As I read, where I expected pat “theologically sound” answers, the author pointed the questioner back to the Bible again and again, giving scriptural answers without dogma. He's not afraid to say things like: “our suffering can be a small assignment when compared with the reward.” (p. 39)

            The questions feel like real questions asked by real people, not questions the author or editors came up with because they were the ones they wanted to answer. Questions like, “Why pray if God is in control?” (p. 77) and “Why did God heal my friend from cancer but not me?” (p. 81) This book addresses some very personal questions, like: How to forgive someone who has abused you sexually (p. 50); How to deal with anger issues (p. 45); How to treat an employee as a Christian and correct bad behavior but still be loving (p. 52). The questions and answers are divided into seven topics: Hope, Hurt, Help, Him/Her, Home, Haves/Have-Nots, and Hereafter.

Believers at all stages of their walk will find relevant questions and answers. Lucado’s answers are full of godly wisdom and practical, biblically-based advice with examples and stories to make it all understandable and relatable. I love that he doesn't make excuses for God but admits that sometimes we just don't know why. God can see the big picture, we can't.

            Max on Life would be a beneficial addition to anyone's library – parents, pastors, small group leaders, and teachers – all seekers of Truth.

            But all that aside, I would highly recommend this book just for the gem of an afterthought, the Addendum, “The Write Stuff.” In just four-and-a-half pages, Lucado gives us some of the most encouraging, practical, challenging words on writing I've ever read.   He talks about the power of well-written words, “Words go where we never go.” But he also encourages us to hit the delete key when needed: “Make every word earn its place on the page. Not just once or twice, but many times. Sentences can be like just-caught fish – spunky today and stinky tomorrow.”

Max on Life could easily be retitled, Max on Life and Writing.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book Review: The Sacred Journey by Charles Foster

First, I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed Foster's writing style. I am pleased to have discovered him and will read more of his books. Second, it is evident that he is passionate about and experienced with the subject matter of this book – Pilgrimage.

Foster says that we are built to wander. I'm not completely convinced that's true for all humans. However, I can definitely see the appeal and feel the urge for pilgrimage myself and I can agree that sometimes “settling” or “sitting still” is very detrimental to mankind. I just can't quite imagine what a world full of nomads would look like. And at times, it seems like that's what Foster is purporting, that the “ideal” way to live would be as a nomad. He says that God is a mover. “He can't keep still. And he has an alarmingly clear preference for people who can't keep still.” So of course, the scripture that immediately came to my mind was, “Be still and know that I am God,” from the 46^th psalm (which isn't the only place in scripture we are commanded to “be still.”) Then shortly after reading this, I came across this quote by Lao Tsu, “Stillness in stillness is not real stillness. Stillness in activity – that is real stillness.” Selah.

I think, and Foster alludes to the possibility, that we can live our lives with an attitude of wandering, especially when an actual, physical pilgrimage just isn't possible for a variety of reasons. After all, we are called to be in the world, but not of it. We are travelers here. (Anyone else remember the old Petra song, “Not of This World”?) We can experience the benefits – the adventure, the hardship, the suffering, the joy, the camaraderie – of pilgrimage without ever leaving home.

If an actual pilgrimage is possible – go for it! But if not, don't feel limited or lesser than in your faith. God is in control. He holds your life in His hands. If He feels you need to “hit the road,” then He will make a way. Not necessarily an “easy” way, but a way nonetheless.

Foster has lived it. He has taken the journeys and it's very apparent from his writing. I have to admit, reading this book temporarily created some discontent in me. I longed for the opportunity to experience pilgrimage the way he describes. It's just not in the cards for me at this point in my life. And that's okay. I gleaned some of the benefits of a pilgrimage just from reading the book. I especially enjoyed the chapter on “Thin Places.” He says, “The early Christian Celts spoke about 'thin places' – places where worlds (I would prefer to say dimensions') were particular close to each other. Places where, if you were quiet enough, you could hear the murmurings of God.” And he goes on to talk about some specific places like Jerusalem, a chamber in France, Santiago, etc. I've never been to any of those places, but I have been to “thin places.” Maybe those “thin places” are different for each of us. Being outside in nature is almost always a thin place for me, and especially in Telluride, Colorado where I visit my brother and his family. (Yes, you could also say that it's a “thin place” because it's over 8,000 ft. in elevation!)

In Chapter 2, he talks about some of the “junk” that the Church needs to throw out. He quotes Phyllis Tickle (who happens to be the editor for this series and wrote the forward) who, “...noted that every few centuries the church needs to hold a rummage sale to clear out the accumulated rubbish...” One of the things he says we should “chuck out” is the name “Christian.” He says, “'Christian' has to go. We've wrecked the word.” I couldn't agree more.

If you're just curious about pilgrimage, or believe, as some do, that it's just not a necessary part of the Christian life in our day The Sacred Journey is a great read. If you are hungry for something different, something real, something gritty you will love this book. It's not just a philosophical or theological discussion of pilgrimage, (although Foster is well-qualified to write something dry and boring, fortunately, that's just not his style) it also contains practical advice and cautionary anecdotes from stories of pilgrimages, both Foster's and others.

I think the final sentence of the book sums it up perfectly. He says, “Jesus said some other things, too, but as a summary of the four Gospels, 'Let's go for a walk together' is not bad.”

I enthusiastically agree.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”